The Two Principles of Parenting

I believe there are two basic principles to keep in mind as we parent our children. 1.  Every child wants to succeed and 2. Every child wants to please us – the parent. I know that sometimes, being a mother myself, it doesn’t always feel like that. But I can tell you that over the past twenty-five years of working with children of all ages, you as the parent are incredibly important to them, even when it doesn’t seem to show. So our job is to make it easy for them to give us what we want, so they get what they need. In addition to this we need to be very specific about what we want. No successful business person would ever dream of stepping into a meeting without an agenda, yet these same people return home each evening and parent on the ‘day by day’ plan. I want to challenge you to instead take a few minutes now and think about what you want walking out your door at eighteen. When I had my daughters I really spent a lot of time developing a very proactive parenting approach. I discovered exactly what I was looking for and then I designed a plan to achieve just that!

There are specific skills your children are going to need to be productive, successful leaders of their community. With that in mind we need to be willing to use and capture all the teachable moments we are offered. One of the most important things I learned from going through this process with my family is that once the big decisions are made the little ones are very easy. I wanted my daughters to be self-discipline, self-directed, self taught, and self confident leaders. So as things came up in our lives, I was able to refer to my list and ask – ‘if I do ‘this’, will it get me to where I want or not’? If it didn’t lead me to the goals and desires I had for my girls, it was not the route for me! This technique allowed me to stay very grounded and to remember what was important to me so that I could raise my daughters to be the women I wanted them to be.

Keep in mind your role in this process. You have been given a very important responsibility in the molding of your children. What values are important, what are their goals, their desires, and finally what is the plan? Because without a plan you are like a leaf in the wind that gets blown in any and every direction.  Imagine boarding a plane and the pilot addresses you and the other passengers by saying “Welcome, we’re so glad you are travelling with us this afternoon, now just sit back, relax, and enjoy the wonderful in flight service. We are not really sure where we are going to be landing this evening but I know it’s going to be a great flight”. Would you stay on the plane – I know I wouldn’t! So just like flying, parenting requires a destination and a clear plan to arrive at that destination. Because just like a plane that may get off course, it is very easy to self correct when the destination is clear – you don’t have to go back to the start and begin the trip again you simply adjust the route – right? When you are absolutely sure where you want to be you will discover several ways to get there.

Debbie Elder